Snippet Sunday – Hard-Boiled/Noir WIP – May 8, 2016

Snippet Sunday is a Facebook group for writers I’ve been hanging out with.

From the group guidelines; “Welcome to Snippet Sunday, where writers come together to share a few sentences of their current project–whether it’s a recently released novel, a WIP (work in progress), or an older manuscript that’s being revived. Intended to hook readers, gather feedback and build an author’s fan base, Snippet Sunday is the FB group that does all three.”

This week’s snippet picks up right where last week’s left off. Jake and Marisa are enjoying each others’ company at Beau’s Bar & Grill, under the watchful eye of Marisa’s ex, Jed. Marisa has just intimated that Jed, has something big on his mind and is about to tell Jake what it is…

“He’s going to jail.”

She showed me a smile packed with joy and regret in unequal parts. I showed her my best quizzical expression.

“He should be there now,” she continued. “His lawyer talked the judge into giving him a week to get his affairs in order.”

“Affairs? Like what? Arranging for someone else to traumatize the locals while he’s locked up?”

The smile faded into a scowl as I imagined visions of past grievances knocking around in her thoughts.

“Kids, mostly,” she replied. “He’s got a lot of kids to be looked after.”

“He’s got kids living with him?”

“It’s hard to tell who actually lives in that house.”

The record in the jukebox changed again. The basic four bar blues picked up a beat. Marisa and I danced a little bit faster.

Beau’s hard stare caught my attention from across the room. He glanced toward Jed’s end of the bar, then turned back to me with his best, “get the hell out of here while you still can,” look on his face.

I replied with what I hoped was my best, “I got this,” face.

“What’s he going down for?” I asked Marisa.

“Second degree assault,” she said. “He shot somebody.”

I nodded, moving Jed up a peg on the danger scale.

“First time he pulled something that serious?”

“First time someone had the guts to testify against him in court.”


Thanks for stopping by to read and thanks in advance for any feedback you feel inclined to leave.

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Posted on May 8, 2016, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 12 Comments.

  1. Wow, that sound pretty bad. Why the hell isn’t he is jail yet and the kids taken care of by social services?


  2. I think he should move him up to the top of the danger scale. I like how he’s having a ‘silent’ conversation with Beau with expressions and slight gestures as he’s chatting with Marisa. Great imagery.


  3. I think he’s playing with fire…stupid or brave?


  4. Good back and forth with nice pacing. Enjoyed it.


  5. Great snippet–love the dialogue, especially when he talks about Jed getting somebody else to traumatize the locals while he’s in jail. He’s one bad dude.


  6. I always admire your smooth tone and the atmosphere. I feel like I’m there. Interesting new information shared this week too!


  7. I think our hero likes to live dangerously…


  8. Taking a walk on the wild side can get beastly…let’s leap!


  9. All this was great, but I think the part about not knowing who lives in the house has me the most intrigued. Really looking forward to reading more!


  10. Ooooh shiiiiit. That last line is a real game changer! This just got even more interesting! Can’t wait to see his reaction to that line and what happens next.


  11. What a great line: She showed me a smile packed with joy and regret in unequal parts … this is your very unique writing. well done!


  12. chellecordero

    Love this line, “Affairs? Like what? Arranging for someone else to traumatize the locals while he’s locked up?” Really made me chuckle.

    I do worry that despite his best “I got this face” he may be getting on over his head.


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