Snippet Sunday – Hard-Boiled/Noir WIP – March 27, 2016

Snippet Sunday is a Facebook group for writers I’ve been hanging out with.

From the group guidelines; “Welcome to Snippet Sunday, where writers come together to share a few sentences of their current project–whether it’s a recently released novel, a WIP (work in progress), or an older manuscript that’s being revived. Intended to hook readers, gather feedback and build an author’s fan base, Snippet Sunday is the FB group that does all three.”

This week’s snippet picks up right where we left off- with Jake and Marisa in Beau’s Bar & Grill. The presence of Marisa’s ex and his friends threatens to complicate their evening.

Unsure of exactly what he’s stumbled into, Jake has just asked Marisa, “What happens to you if I walk out of here alone?”

“You’re not gonna do that, are you, Jake?” she asked. “Walk out of here alone?”

“Does that worry you?”

She took some time to consider her answer. The clash of conflicting emotions on her face reminded me of a six car pileup on the Jersey Turnpike.

“It’s not what you think, Jake.”

I gave her some time to reconsider her answer.

“All right,” she relented, “it is what you think. But it only happened once and I took care of the problem myself.”

She starting talking faster. Faster and louder.

“After he knocked me around the house that night I hid out on the porch and waited for him to do what he always does after a big night.”

“What’s that?”

“Drinks too much beer and falls asleep on the couch. I waited ’til he started snoring, then got the shotgun out of the truck, went on in, and jammed it right up into his crotch.”
“Very effective,” I said.

“I promised him a twelve-gauge vasectomy if he didn’t swear to never put his hands on me like that again.”

“And he’s held up his end of the deal?”

“More or less.”

Thanks for stopping by to read, and thanks for any feedback you feel inclined to leave.

Please make sure to check out other Snippet Sunday authors.

Here’s a handy link to follow;

https://www.facebook.com/groups/SnippetSunday/

 

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Posted on March 27, 2016, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 9 Comments.

  1. More or less? Intriguing answer.

    Like

  2. More or less? Damn i like her.
    and i loved this description: The clash of conflicting emotions on her face reminded me of a six car pileup on the Jersey Turnpike. ~~ what a classic. not that i would have a clue as a reader, but none-the-less a great line.

    Like

  3. She just needs out of that relationship and of that town for good. More or less is not good enough. Why isn’t he a eunuch yet.

    Like

  4. Some great tidbits in this snippet here…besides the “more or less” statement at the end, I also enjoyed “The clash of conflicting emotions on her face reminded me of a six car pileup on the Jersey Turnpike.” Fun read, great dialogue.

    Like

  5. I like her style, but drunk promises hold very little weight. The best like that made me grin was: “The clash of conflicting emotions on her face reminded me of a six car pileup on the Jersey Turnpike.” Awesomesauce, Jeff. 🙂

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  6. I loved everything about this snippet! Would you please write faster so I can buy this! *glares at Jeff*

    Like

  7. Lmao! I love her solution with the shotgun! Very original and ballsy. Great description on the car pile up. And “more or less”? Oh now there’s a story in that one. Can’t wait to find out the answer to that last one comment.

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  8. That more or less, doesn’t sound good. I’m looking forward to hearing her explain what she means by that.

    Like

  9. A twelve-gauge vasectomy! Yowsers! Great scene, definitely keen to read more.

    Like

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