Snippet Sunday – Hard-Boiled/Noir WIP – January 31, 2016

Snippet Sunday is a Facebook group for writers I’ve been privileged enough to have been accepted into.

From the group guidelines; “Welcome to Snippet Sunday, where writers come together to share a few sentences of their current project–whether it’s a recently released novel, a WIP (work in progress), or an older manuscript that’s being revived. Intended to hook readers, gather feedback and build an author’s fan base, Snippet Sunday is the FB group that does all three.”

This week’s snippet picks up where last week’s left off. The clown Jake refers to is Jed’s friend in the aloha shirt…

“Who’s the clown with him?”
“That’s Mickey,” she said. “One of Jed’s ex-brothers-in-law.”
“Should I be worried about him?”
“Mickey? He’s okay. Mostly.”
“Oh good.” I said, looking at the front door.
“I’m actually more concerned about Jed’s other friends.”
She looked toward the door too.
“Which other friends?”
“The ones he probably called a few minutes ago.”
“Jed doesn’t have friends so much as a bunch of guys who do what he tells ’em to.”
“Well that’s a relief.”
I pulled her in closer and we danced right through the next record change. The pickup in tempo brought people back out of their booths. They gave us much more than our fair share of space as they started moving to to the greasy blues groove.
“So your plan is to wait around for the rest of the gang to get here?” she asked.
“Better in here than out there. No telling what we’ll run into outside.”
Jed lumbered toward the far end of the bar. Martha and her husband saw him coming and vacated their seats. The husband gave Jed the stink-eye as they moved out of his way. Jed ignored the man and parked himself on an empty stool. Mickey stayed by the phone.
“If this town’s as small as you say,” I continued, “they ought to be here any time now. Once they’re inside I’ll know what I’m dealing with.”
She stared at me for a couple of seconds,
“You’ve done this before?”
I looked away, first toward Jed, then toward Beau behind the bar. The proprietor had relaxed a little. Both hands rested on the edge of the counter but he hadn’t moved from his spot.
“I’ve got witnesses in here,” I said, “and maybe I’ll even get a little help.”
She let her hands drop away from my shoulders.
“Were you listening to me? He’s got ’em all shit scared, Jake. Nobody here is going to help you.”
I nodded in Beau’s general direction.
“What about him?”
“Beau?” she asked, turning to look. “He’ll defend his bar, sure. Probably call the sheriff for you too, but I wouldn’t expect much more.”

Thanks for stopping by, and thanks for any feedback you feel inclined to leave.

Please take the time to read other Snippet Sunday authors. It only works if we support each other…

 

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Posted on January 31, 2016, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 13 Comments.

  1. I like the way Jake seems to dig his heels in, and he is so hyper-vigilant about his surroundings. There may be violence but I feel assured that Jake will be able to handle himself. Great snippet.

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  2. Scary situation and I wonder what’s the deal with Jed. Why is everyone so scared of him and what does he really want?

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  3. I like Jake a little more with each snippet. He’s a great character!

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  4. Sometimes the defense of the space is backup enough. Great snippet, Jeff. 🙂

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  5. Jake’s assessment of the situation was interesting. I’d tend to agree with him…such an interesting story. I love the pace at which it’s all unfolding. Just right.

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  6. I hope Jake gets out of this okay, but unless there’s something about him that I know, I think he’s about to get his ass handed to him. 🙂 Good snippet, Jeff!

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  7. Karen Michelle Nutt

    Love the banter. So real as he assesses his chances of survival. Enjoyed the snippet.

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  8. I agree. Jake gets more likable with every snippet. I like his cool-headed assessment of things, and it makes me think he’ll be able to hold his own better than expected. Great snippet as always!

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  9. Bad situation sounds like it’s getting worse.

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  10. Oooh, this is getting really interesting. Things are about to go from bad to worse, aren’t they? I love Jake’s character and how he handles everything with a cool head. Great snippet, as always. Looking forward to see how this brawl is going to go down!

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  11. Getting interesting! Great dialogue

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  12. Loving the banter in this snippet. Love the characters.

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