Snippet Sunday – Hard-Boiled/Noir WIP – January 3, 2016

Snippet Sunday is a Facebook group for writers I’ve been privileged enough to have been accepted into.

From the group guidelines; “Welcome to Snippet Sunday, where writers come together to share a few sentences of their current project–whether it’s a recently released novel, a WIP (work in progress), or an older manuscript that’s being revived. Intended to hook readers, gather feedback and build an author’s fan base, Snippet Sunday is the FB group that does all three.”

This week’s snippet picks up where my last one left off.

Marisa and Jake are in the bar. So is Marisa’s ex. The ex seems to be keeping a close eye on them…

I glanced at the back corner over my shoulder.
The guy in the aloha shirt must have been running his mouth but good. His head jerked around with the conviction of his words and he threw in all the hand gestures he could manage without knocking over his drink. Marisa’s ex sat there and weathered the storm, humoring his pal with an occasional nod or grunt. He didn’t grant him the courtesy of eye contact, though. The big man had his head angled in such a way that there could be only one area for his eyes to focus on.
I turned back to Marisa before I got suckered into a staring contest.
“Is he always so… attentive, when you’ve got a date?”
“Sometimes.”
She finished her beer, then signaled the barman for another.
I sneaked another glance toward the corner.
“Is there going to be trouble?”
The barman set a fresh pint down in front of her, then made his way back to the other end of the bar.
“If you keep that up I can practically guarantee it,” she said.
I chewed on that for a few seconds, turning my attention back to Marisa. I’d seen enough trouble in my time to know that it very often looked like the guy in the back-corner booth.
“Small town,” she reminded me. “Unless you or your ex pick up and leave you’re going to run into each other.”
“I suppose the novelty of it wears off after the first dozen or so times it happens.”
“Guess you don’t have to worry about things like that, living in New York City.”
“You’d be surprised,” I said. “It’s amazing how easy it is to run into someone you don’t want to see, wherever you are.”
She raised her glass to toast the sentiment. We clinked and drank.
“I much prefer to run into people I do want to see,” she said with one of her famous lopsided grins.

Thanks for stopping by to read my stuff, and thanks for any feedback you feel inclined to leave.

Please read other Snippet Sunday authors. Here’s a handy link to the Facebook page;

https://www.facebook.com/groups/SnippetSunday/

 

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Posted on January 3, 2016, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 10 Comments.

  1. Okay, I missed your last one somehow and had to go back and read it. I’m loving this story so much, and you have me in the scene so deeply that I’m choking on the cigarette smoke! Really looking forward to next Sunday!

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  2. Question, Jeff. If he’s just going out with her now and he’s learning about her ex, would her lopsided grin be “famous”? Great snippet and I’m there with them at the restaurant. 🙂

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    • This is a callback to the earlier scene in which Marisa and Jake meet on the beach. She hits him with that lopsided grin a couple of times in that encounter and it’s something he picks up on and catalogues about her.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Great as usual. i am enjoying these snippets.

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  4. Karen Michelle Nutt

    Always enjoy your snippets. If the ex had been as attentive as he is now, perhaps he wouldn’t have ended up as the ex. lol

    Liked by 2 people

  5. “It’s amazing how easy it is to run into someone you don’t want to see, wherever you are.”

    Ain’t that the truth!

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  6. It sounds like he might have had a lot of practice dodging ex’s? Great and believable dialogue as always.

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  7. Great snippet, dialogue and descriptions. Love the line about the lopsided grin.

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  8. Great snippet, but the jealous ex must get tiresome for her.

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  9. “It’s amazing how easy it is to run into someone you don’t want to see, wherever you are.”

    You can say that again! Nice snippet, as always.

    Like

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