Snippet Sunday – Hard-Boiled/Noir WIP – December 20, 2015

Snippet Sunday is a Facebook group for writers I’ve been privileged enough to have been accepted into.

From the group guidelines; “Welcome to Snippet Sunday, where writers come together to share a few sentences of their current project–whether it’s a recently released novel, a WIP (work in progress), or an older manuscript that’s being revived. Intended to hook readers, gather feedback and build an author’s fan base, Snippet Sunday is the FB group that does all three.”

This week’s snippet picks up exactly where last week’s left off. We’re at Beau’s Bar & Grill. Jake and Marisa are dancing to the blues and somebody’s watching them. The last line of last week’s snippet referenced the flare of the watcher’s cigarette when Jake moved his hands down Marisa’s back while slow dancing…

He took two more drags under my steady gaze before Marisa caught on. She disentangled herself from my arms and led us back to the pair of bar stools we’d left a few minutes earlier.
The big man crushed out his cigarette, then sat all the way back on his bench. The outer edges of a glass ashtray glinted in the tarry light. A single wisp of light gray smoke snaked toward the ceiling.
Marisa climbed onto her stool and ordered beers for both of us.
I sat with my back to the bar, watching a tall, wiry man in a blue Hawaiian shirt and torn jeans step out of the men’s room, walk to the back corner booth, and slide in across from the big man.
I tapped Marisa on the shoulder.
“That’s nobody too, right?”
She gave the corner a half-a-second look.
“Nobody you need to be concerned with,” she replied. She saved herself from saying more by taking a drink.
Two fresh cigarettes flared to life in the back corner booth.
I turned around on my stool to look at Marisa. The yellowish light reflecting off the mirror behind the bar gave her suntanned complexion an even deeper amber glow. Her expression didn’t tell me any more than her words had.
“He’s my ex,” she relented.
“Which one?”
“The big one.”
“That makes him somebody, Marisa.”
She set her pint glass down harder than she needed to.
“No, Jake,” she said. “It doesn’t.”

Thanks for stopping by to read my kung fu, and thanks for any feedback you feel inclined to leave.

Please take the time to check out other Snippet Sunday writers.

Here’s a link to the Facebook post; https://www.facebook.com/groups/SnippetSunday/945220452230806/?notif_t=group_activity

 

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Posted on December 20, 2015, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 7 Comments.

  1. I like the last couple sentences, and with that her attitude. Well done.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Wow–great dialogue and descriptions and love the last line!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I’ll say it again – love the noir flow of the scenes and the dialog. Wonderful snippet. I don’t trust her!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Jeff, you’re a master of the genre. Happy Holidays to you and your family.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Well, I guess from her point of view he is a nobody. Jake just has a different point of view.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Karen Michelle Nutt

    Wonderful imagery and fantastic banter that always draws me right into your world. I curious about her nonchalant take about her ex.

    Like

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