Snippet Sunday – Hard-Boiled/Noir WIP – October 25, 2015

Snippet Sunday is a Facebook group for writers I’ve been privileged enough to have been accepted into.

From the group guidelines; “Welcome to Snippet Sunday, where writers come together to share a few sentences of their current project–whether it’s a recently released novel, a WIP (work in progress), or an older manuscript that’s being revived. Intended to hook readers, gather feedback and build an author’s fan base, Snippet Sunday is the FB group that does all three.”

This week’s snippet is from a scene that may or may not get cut. I’m not sure I can work the plot twist in, but it’s been fun playing with the idea…

The room went quiet.

I could hear the foundation sighing as it sank a little deeper into the sea-softened earth. The overhead florescent lighting wheezed and hummed. A sink at the far end of the room counted off the seconds in drops of water.

I blinked the double vision out of my eyes and looked at the coroner.

“Do it,” I said.

She nodded, then pulled back the sheet to reveal the dead woman’s head and shoulders.

The coroner stood by, eyes downcast in an attitude of professional patience.

I balled my fists as a wave of recognition rolled in.

Death had robbed Marisa’s skin of its warm golden hue. It dulled her easy, mischievous smile.

It had also removed her freckles and straightened her nose.

I leaned in for a closer look. Everything but the nose and those freckles looked right.

“Let me see her feet,” I said.

The coroner looked at me with questions in her bespectacled eyes.

“Do you want her identified or not?” I asked.

She stared a little longer, then moved to the other end of the table and lifted the sheet.

The dead woman had the word, “Ruthless”, tattooed on the instep of her right foot.

“It’s not her,” I said. I repeated myself before she could ask if I was sure, then walked out of the autopsy room and kept on walking until I found air that didn’t stink of death and formaldehyde.

Thanks for stopping by to read, and thanks for any feedback you feel inclined to leave.

Please check out other Snippet Sunday authors. Here’s a link to the Facebook post;

https://www.facebook.com/groups/SnippetSunday/918090414943810/?notif_t=group_activity

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Posted on October 25, 2015, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 7 Comments.

  1. Intense snippet — I hope you can manage to keep it in because I really want to know about the dead woman — who she is, where she was found (and by whom), and why they thought she might be Marisa.

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  2. “could hear the foundation sighing as it sank a little deeper into the sea-softened earth.” – you always amaze me with the very unique descriptions.
    Great snippet.

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  3. I’m glad it wasn’t Marisa. Lovely descriptive passage.

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  4. Well that’s a twist and I thought the scene was highly effective. Love all the details and the character’s reactions. Great snippet!

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  5. Karen Michelle Nutt

    I was holding my breath and hoping it wasn’t Marisa. Great details and the suspense was perfect. Now I want to know who the woman is and why she looks so similar to Marissa. Sister? Twin? Doppleganger? lol

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  6. I totally thought that was Marisa, that would have been one deadly spin of event. I’m glad it’s not her though, but now I wonder where she is and who is the dead woman and if it was intentional that they look so much alike.

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  7. Damn! What a snippet! I was holding my breath and on the edge of my seat. LOVE the descriptions once more, especially the sink dripping off the seconds. That is brilliant. Love the twist and I hope you can work it in. Things just got interesting, really interesting.

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