Snippet Sunday – Hard-Boiled/Noir WIP – September 20, 2015

Snippet Sunday is a Facebook group for writers I’ve been privileged enough to have been accepted into.

From the group guidelines; “Welcome to Snippet Sunday, where writers come together to share a few sentences of their current project–whether it’s a recently released novel, a WIP (work in progress), or an older manuscript that’s being revived. Intended to hook readers, gather feedback and build an author’s fan base, Snippet Sunday is the FB group that does all three.”

We’re picking up pretty much where we left off last week– Jake has encountered the law after leaving Marisa’s empty house. The sheriff speaks first…

“Got a call from one of the neighbors about a suspicious individual skulking about near the house.”

I scanned the cul-de-sac. A single light in the front room of the house across the street showed through the blinds in the window.

“You told my deputy you weren’t on the job,” he said.

“I’m still not, Sheriff. Not yet.”

He folded his arms in front of his chest.

“Care to tell me what you are doing out here then?”

A bit of night wind came through, sending the few leaves that had fallen early skittering across the blacktop.

“I’m looking for a friend.”

“You’re not going to find her in there, Mr. Tunner. I could’ve told you that and saved you a bunch of time and bother.”

“You should take a look in there, Sheriff. Front room’s the most interesting.”

“What could possibly be of interest in an empty house? No one’s lived here in months.”

“When was the last time you were in that house?” I asked him.

He eyeballed me as if the depth of my trustworthiness would be revealed if he stared hard enough.

“Too long ago, apparently.”

Thanks for stopping by to check out my work and thanks for any feedback you feel inclined to leave.

Please take the time to visit other Snippet Sunday writers. Here’s a link to the group;

https://www.facebook.com/groups/SnippetSunday/

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Posted on September 20, 2015, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 12 Comments.

  1. Skulking and skittering. Love these words and this snippet!

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  2. As always, your dialogue is so authentic, really brings the reader into the scene.
    (I think you need to remove the center set of quotes though, “I’m still not,” Sheriff. “Not yet.”) Great snippet.

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  3. That last line is awesome — apparently the sheriff decided he was trustworthy.

    (And I was going to mention the quotes things, too, but Chelle beat me to it.)

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  4. The others who’ve commented are all absolutely right. Great snippet.

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  5. Love this line: “He eyeballed me like my trustworthiness would be revealed if he stared hard enough.” I can totally picture it.

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  6. Karen Michelle Nutt

    Loved the snippet. Great banter, Wonderful imagery. Have to agree with Karysa– I could picture the eyeballing. lol Perfect.

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  7. Love the dialogue and I can picture the house no one’s lived in for months–kind of picturing my old childhood home.

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  8. Really enjoying this story, especially the noir tone. I can just see it as a black and white movie!

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  9. It’s good that the Sheriff seems willing to take action. I still wonder what’s inside.

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  10. I always LOVE your descriptions! The touch of the leaves skittering across the black top. Perfect. That last line though… Too long ago? Too long ago for WHAT?! Was he the one that left the muddy footprints then? Ahhh! So mysterious and so curious now! Can’t wait for more. Great snippet!

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