Snippet Sunday – Hard-Boiled/Noir WIP – August 30, 2015

Snippet Sunday is a Facebook group for writers I’ve been privileged enough to have been accepted into.

From the group guidelines; “Welcome to Snippet Sunday, where writers come together to share a few sentences of their current project–whether it’s a recently released novel, a WIP (work in progress), or an older manuscript that’s being revived. Intended to hook readers, gather feedback and build an author’s fan base, Snippet Sunday is the FB group that does all three.”

This week’s snippet picks up where last week’s left off. Jake has arrived at a house purported to be Marisa’s and found that someone has broken and entered before him…

I considered going to find a phone to call the police, then went inside instead. I pulled the door shut behind me, after a fashion.

The window dressings were the only sign of human habitation in the room. The flashlight’s beam bounced off the ugly linoleum floor and settled on wallpaper that had gone out of style around the same time as the Truman administration.

There was nothing else to intercept the light, unless you counted dust.

The air smelled musty, cut by an undertone of sourness.

A second look at the floor revealed what remained of a set of dried muddy shoe prints. They were oriented straight ahead, through and beyond the doorless entryway that led to rest of the house.

I swept the empty room with the flashlight once more, then followed the tracks.

The entryway let out into the kitchen.

An old gas range rested against the back wall, next to the counter and sink. The refrigerator, rust-stained and dented, stood guard in the right-hand corner, by the mouth of a hallway. The fridge did not hum.

The kitchen had the same linoleum flooring as the previous room and sported more of the same lovely wallpaper. Gray, vaguely rectangular splotches indicated where cabinets had been removed.

A breakfast nook that should have housed a table and chairs completed the room.

The sour smell was stronger in the kitchen. It was a smell I recognized, even though it was stale and mixed with the distinctive scent of a mouse infestation.

I tightened my grip on the heavy flashlight, then found where the shoe prints picked up and followed them down the hallway.

Thanks for stopping by to check out my work, and thanks for any feedback you feel so inclined to leave.


Posted on August 29, 2015, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 13 Comments.

  1. Awesome visuals. I truly felt as if I was there. Great snippet. 🙂


  2. I like all the sensory details, and I’m happy to say I don’t know what a mouse infestation smells like.


  3. Am I the only one who finds it ominous that the muddy footprints only seem to have gone into the house and there is no indication that the person with muddy feet came back out?


  4. What the H is Jake walking into? The visuals are terrific.


  5. The description of the rooms and all the detail is wonderful…and ominous. Anything could happen in a tired old house like this one! Can’t wait for more!


  6. What did he walk into? I want to know more.


  7. No fair! We want to know what he walked into. Nice excerpt.


  8. I wonder how the print in got there without out prints. Can I take a guess? Someone has to be dead in there. 😉


  9. I love the descriptions. Well done.


  10. Whoa… I always love your attention to detail and setting the scene. Now here’s what I want to know: What’s the sour smell he’s associating to? I’m getting a real ominous and eerie feeling about what he’s going to find, especially based on the fact his grip tightened on the flashlight. Great snippet.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. I wonder what the smell is he recognizes? Love the description and the building of tension here.


  12. Karen Michelle Nutt

    Fantastic imagery from visual to scents. Well done, put me right there in the scene.
    And I’m intrigued to know what he’s walked into.


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