Snippet Sunday – Hard-Boiled/Noir WIP – August 23, 2015

Snippet Sunday is a Facebook group for writers I’ve been privileged enough to have been accepted into.

From the group guidelines; “Welcome to Snippet Sunday, where writers come together to share a few sentences of their current project–whether it’s a recently released novel, a WIP (work in progress), or an older manuscript that’s being revived. Intended to hook readers, gather feedback and build an author’s fan base, Snippet Sunday is the FB group that does all three.”

This week’s snippet picks up where last week’s left off. Jake is at Marisa’s house… or is he?

The racket made by the local cricket and cicada populations covered whatever noise I made stumbling around in the dark.

I switched on my flashlight and had a quick look around the backyard.

Aside from a small patio near the house, and grass high enough to conceal a lost brigade of Japanese soldiers, the yard was empty, just like the driveway had been. No grill, no lawn furniture, not even a trash can. That should have told me all I needed to know about what I’d find in the house.

Should have.

I shined the flashlight on the back of the house. The narrow beam could not get through the blinds on the other side of the long, rectangular window set to the right of the back door. I didn’t do any better at the smaller window to the left of the door.

The door itself felt sturdy enough, even if it didn’t hang straight on its hinges. A closer look revealed cracks in the wood and damage to the jamb.

The doorknob fell out when I tried it. Metal hit the floor inside.

I gave the door a gentle push. It swung open with a creak. The top hinge came away from the frame.

Whoever had broken and entered before me did a lousy job of re-hanging the door on their way out.

Thanks for stopping by to check out my work, and thanks for any feedback you feel inclined to leave.

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Posted on August 23, 2015, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 10 Comments.

  1. Something is indeed fishy and I think Jake needs to get out of there and fast. Great tension.

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  2. You had my attention from the very first line … or even before ??? Jake is at Marisa’s house… or is he? Great snippet!

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  3. Maybe the previous guy was in a hurry of getting out of here. Nice and creepy description, it totally set the mood.

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  4. Your description in this snippet put me right in the scene, Jeff. I’ve heard cicada’s sing that loud, and the image of the tall grass hiding a lost brigade of Japanese soldiers showed me the effects of the abandoned place. Very atmospheric. I’d read more.

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  5. Love the grass tall enough to hide a lost brigade of Japanese soldiers. LOL (Sounds like my back yard at the moment.) Also loved his comment on the lack of workmanship of the last person who had been there.

    You set scenes so well…

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  6. I was waiting for him to find a body or get attacked. Nicely done.

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  7. Extremely tense and atmospheric and I loved the line about the tall grass and the lost brigade. Can’t wait for more!

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  8. Karen Michelle Nutt

    Something isn’t quite right here. You definitely set the scene and it doesn’t bode well. Can’t wait for more.

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  9. That scene was filled with tension. I want to know who was there before.

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  10. Love this line, “grass high enough to conceal a lost brigade of Japanese soldiers.” I also love the last one of the poor door repair. But should have? Should have’s are never a good sign! What is he walking into? I’m so curious now.

    Very nicely done. So easy to picture and I’m sitting on the edge of my seat tense to see what he finds.

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