Snippet Sunday – Hard-Boiled/Noir WIP – August 9, 2015

Snippet Sunday is a Facebook group for writers I’ve been privileged enough to have been accepted into.

From the group guidelines; “Welcome to Snippet Sunday, where writers come together to share a few sentences of their current project–whether it’s a recently released novel, a WIP (work in progress), or an older manuscript that’s being revived. Intended to hook readers, gather feedback and build an author’s fan base, Snippet Sunday is the FB group that does all three.”

We’re finally done with Jake’s and Jed’s conversation in the bar. This week’s snippet begins what comes next;

Evangeline had not returned to the Sunshade by the time I hit the office after my conversation with Jed. Santo wasn’t around either, though his El Camino hadn’t moved from it’s spot.

I opened the door and felt for the light switch. There was no switch to be found on the wall so I moved to the window and fumbled around until I located the power cord to the neon, “Vacancy”, sign, followed it to the power strip in the corner of the room, and flipped the switch.

The dull red glow filled the area closest to the door and nothing else.

I picked my way through Evangeline’s office rain forest in the dark. My eyes adjusted on the way. I made out the lamp on the desk with relative ease and managed to find the chain to switch it on.

Evangeline’s note was right where she’d left it. A green glass ash tray with what was left of two sweet-smelling cigarettes in it kept it company next to the registry book.

I retrieved the phone book from behind the desk and flipped to the residential section.

“Marisa Reubens,” I muttered, reading my way down toward the bottom of the page. “Seventeen Ocean View Court. If you’re hiding, you’re not trying very hard.”

I replaced the phone book, then helped myself to one of the road maps from the stack by the little wheel of postcards on the desktop.

I turned the lights off before leaving the office.

The wind had gained strength while I was inside. The ocean smell blew in, strong and clean. The crash of the surf came in with it.

I allowed myself thirty seconds to enjoy them, then got in the Olds and headed out to Marisa’s house.

Thanks for stopping by and thanks for any feedback you feel inclined to leave.

If you’re a fellow Snippet Sunday author please take the time to stop by all of your colleagues’ blogs to check out their work.\


Posted on August 9, 2015, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 13 Comments.

  1. Interesting to see what happens when he gets there. Well done.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I have to agree, she isn’t hiding really well. Seriously with everyone around having a different view of Jed and everything happening, I wonder what the outcome is going to be. It seems complicated.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I really enjoyed the set up of the room. I’ve been in rooms with no light switch by the door and your description brought back the memory of my irritation/frustration. Great details.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I read back to catch up—I love how you’re maintaining the mystery (about characters, motivations, situations, etc.) and keeping the facts fuzzy.

    This scene is beautifully written. “The dull red glow filled the area closest to the door and nothing else” is a perfect sentence.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Wonderful details – I could visualize the office perfectly. I especially enjoyed that he took a moment to enjoy the ocean – that was great.


  6. Great snippet. Looking forward to next week. 🙂


  7. Karen Michelle Nutt

    Great imagery as usual. You truly know how to set the scene. Now, I can’t wait to see what happens when he gets to Marissa’s. Should prove interesting.


  8. “The wind had gained strength while I was inside. The ocean smell blew in, strong and clean. The crash of the surf came in with it.” So I know this isn’t the focus of this snippet, but I LOVE this detail in the midst of the action that’s going on. Well done.


  9. I can’t wait to see what he finds at Marisa’s house.


  10. Sounds like a resourceful dude.


  11. I’m really curious to know if she really lives at that address…

    Oh, and a typo: “…his El Camino hadn’t moved from it’s spot.” (should be “its” not “it’s”)

    I’m really enjoying this story.


  12. I love how you described her office as a rain forest. Great imagery here. But maybe someone should have gone under a fake name if they didn’t want to be found in a phonebook.


  13. I am totally taken by the way you show instead of telling from the description of the office to every movement Jake makes. Very well done.


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