Snippet Sunday – Hard-Boiled/Noir WIP – August 2, 2015

Snippet Sunday is a Facebook group for writers I’ve been privileged enough to have been accepted into.

From the group guidelines; “Welcome to Snippet Sunday, where writers come together to share a few sentences of their current project–whether it’s a recently released novel, a WIP (work in progress), or an older manuscript that’s being revived. Intended to hook readers, gather feedback and build an author’s fan base, Snippet Sunday is the FB group that does all three.”

This week’s snippet picks up where my last one left off.

Jed has just uttered the line, “You can only push a man but so far.”

(I’m busting the limit to get out of this scene!)

“Fair enough,” I said. I wondered who pushed him harder– her or me. “What’s Marisa’s feeling on this?

He looked at me like he didn’t like the sound of her name coming out of my mouth, then took a hold of the edge of the table and hauled himself out of the booth.

“Ask her when you find her,” he replied.

“She hasn’t turned up?”

He took a couple of steps toward the exit.

“Keep the cash if you’re gonna do the work,” he said. “Leave it with Beau if you’re not.”

He marched out of the bar, leaving the heavy door to swing closed behind him. It stayed open long enough to admit a wisp of warm, briny air.

I eyeballed Jed’s money again, then glanced at the small crowd assembled at the bar. None of them bothered to pretend they weren’t staring at me.

I picked up the pile of bills and counted it. Thirteen hundred bucks.

Marisa had asked me for help the night before. Jed didn’t have to pay me thirteen hundred dollars to go find her.

I brought the money to the bar.

“Hang on to this for me, will you?” I asked Beau.

“You on the job?” he asked as he took the cash from my hand.

“Still thinking it over.”

I gave him a twenty of my own to cover my dinner, then turned to leave.

“I wouldn’t pay Jed much mind if I were you,” said Beau.

I stopped with the door half open.

“He’s just tryin’ to get a rise out of you is all.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” he said, drying a pint glass that didn’t need to be dried. “She’s usually pretty choosy about which drifters she shacks up with.”

Thanks for stopping by to check out my work, and thanks for any feedback you feel inclined to leave.

If you’re a fellow Snippet Sunday writer, please visit your fellow-author’s blogs to see what they’re up to!

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Posted on August 2, 2015, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 11 Comments.

  1. Ouch! Great snippet, Jeff. 😀

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  2. I like the way the story is going and that fact that it’s driven by dialog.
    Well done!

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  3. That’s a bit of a stab to the ego. Great snippet. 🙂

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  4. Love that last line! (And I like Beau a lot.)

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  5. I’m beginning to wonder about the relationship between Jed and Marisa, what is the reason they are apart and what is Jake really getting involved with. Very tense and great hook.

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  6. Another great piece of the dialogue.

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  7. Beau is casting doubt on the relationship between Jed and Marisa, but I’m a bit suspicious of Beau at the moment.

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  8. Interesting developments all right and I too am a bit suspicious of Beau’s motives. Loved the snippet!

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  9. That’s an interesting twist. It seems there are a lot of people out there that’s don’t care much about Jed. He must feel lonely.

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  10. I’m in his head as the story unfolds. I really like your style.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Oww! Love that last line, especially the added detail of drying a pint that didn’t need dried. Great snippet.

    So sorry I’m so late in commenting, too.

    Like

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