#SnippetSunday – Hard-Boiled/Noir WIP – July 26, 2015

Snippet Sunday is a Facebook group for writers I’ve been privileged enough to have been accepted into.

From the group guidelines; “Welcome to Snippet Sunday, where writers come together to share a few sentences of their current project–whether it’s a recently released novel, a WIP (work in progress), or an older manuscript that’s being revived. Intended to hook readers, gather feedback and build an author’s fan base, Snippet Sunday is the FB group that does all three.”

This week’s snippet picks up where my last one left off.

Jake has just asked Jed why he still cares about Marisa and her troubles…

“What’s it to you?” he shot back.

“Motivations, Jed. They matter.”

“Don’t pull that high horse crap with me,” he barked. “You’re just a fourth-rate peeper on his way out. You got in that piece of shit Oldsmobile and wound up here ’cause anywhere had to be better than where you were.”

I tried not to blink. His accurate read had me thinking he could’ve been a private investigator himself. Or a used car salesman.

“And yet you want to hire me for a job,” I pointed out.

He reached out and placed his hand next to the pile of cash.

“You’re not from around here,” he said. “Sometimes, that’s enough.”

“The question stands. Why do you still care?”

Heavy blues guitar, greasy and fast, picked up where Etta Jones left off. We made it deep enough into the tune to know it was an instrumental before he answered.

“She’s still my wife,” he said.

“Even though you’re through?”

“Even though.”

“Still sweet on her?”

Anger made his bloodshot eyes open wide and put a splash of red across his ample forehead. He wrestled with it for a couple of long moments, then put it away.

“You can only push a man but so far,” he said in a voice not unlike the first distant rumbles of thunder before a storm.

Thanks for stopping by & thanks for any feedback you feel inclined to leave.

If you’re a fellow Snippet Sunday author, please make sure to visit other writer’s blogs to check out their work!

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Posted on July 26, 2015, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 10 Comments.

  1. I am really enjoying their interaction. (And I really like Jed.)

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m with PT … enjoying the dialogue as well.

    Like

  3. Karen Michelle Nutt

    I have to agree. Great banter! I’m immediately drawn into your story, and your characters set the tone.

    Like

  4. He was waiting on the soundtrack to speak?
    Cool.
    Great timing.

    Like

  5. I have great respect for Jed, and his powers of observation. Great snippet, Jeff. 🙂

    Like

  6. I think he is sweet on his wife even though they’re through. Love Jed.

    Like

  7. I like both of these hard boiled guys actually. And I’m loving the story, can just see it (probably in black and white LOL) as the plot unfolds, due to your terrific noir writing style in the snippet.

    Like

  8. chellecordero

    “You can only push a man but so far,”… I’m wondering if he is talking about what his wife has done or about Jake’s insistence on questioning him.
    I’ve really been caught up in this dialogue.

    Like

  9. I agree with Chelle.
    I like the ambiguity of that last time, it makes the reader thinking to understand the characters.

    Like

  10. I’m starting to love your snippets more and more! Love the snide comments these two throw at each other, the hidden meanings and surprise sneak up lines that throw the two off.

    Great snippet!

    (Sorry I am so delayed on commenting too!)

    Like

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