#SnippetSunday – Hard-Boiled/Noir WIP – July 5, 2015

Snippet Sunday is a Facebook group for writers I’ve been privileged enough to have been accepted into.

From the group guidelines; “Welcome to Snippet Sunday, where writers come together to share a few sentences of their current project–whether it’s a recently released novel, a WIP (work in progress), or an older manuscript that’s being revived. Intended to hook readers, gather feedback and build an author’s fan base, Snippet Sunday is the FB group that does all three.”

This week’s snippet picks up where my last one left off.

Jake and Jed are still talking business in a booth at Beau’s Bar & Grill…

“You were about to tell me who’s sweating your soon to be ex-wife,” I said.

He turned his head, eyes scanning every area of the bar.

We had the entire row of booths to ourselves. All five customers who had been seated there when Beau and I took our table– three middle-aged men in short-sleeved button-down shirts and wrinkled slacks and two women of about the same vintage in jeans and over-sized red blouses– had migrated over to the bar. They perched on the edges of their stools, along with everyone else who’d been inside Beau’s since I arrived, making a hash out of watching us without looking like they were watching us.

“Sounds like you’re taking the job,” he replied.

“It’ll sound even more like it if you tell me something useful.”

He took one last moment to think it over, then made his decision.

“I told you I never got a name out of her,” he said.

“Giving me what you don’t have isn’t useful.”

“How’s this, then?” he barked. “You saw ’em. Today.

I started playing back the events of the day. The only times Jed and I had been in the same vicinity were during and right after the fight.

“Let’s see if those keen New York City eyes can back up the mouth,” he said.

“Shut your pie hole,” I muttered.

I tried to recall all of the people I’d seen in town after Jed and Marisa arrived. Each of them, with the exception of one group, was easy to rule out.

“The suits,” I said. “Has to be the suits.”

Thanks for stopping by & thanks for any feedback you feel inclined to leave.

th

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Posted on July 5, 2015, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 11 Comments.

  1. I wanna know … really liking this story!

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  2. Hmmm… I think there is more to the suits than a fashion statement. I wonder what she was tangled up in?

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  3. “Shuddup, I’m thinkin’.” LOL Nice, Jeff. Great way to pull the reader into both of their personalities.

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  4. I love your way with background details, Jeff–all those would-be eavesdroppers. Even when Jake isn’t on the clock, he’s observing everything.

    And Jed is turning out to be a solid character–don’t know if I like him, but I appreciate him. 🙂

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  5. I liked the background details,too–for some reason, it made me think of “Cheers.” I like the characters and the dialogue.

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  6. Just keeps getting more and more interesting, love the details. Great snippet!

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  7. Interesting. I like how his mind works.

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  8. Karen Michelle Nutt

    I’m curious to know what’s she’s involved in. Great snippet.

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  9. Oh c’mon, you keep jerking us along with the answers and making me even more curious. But, that’s the way to do it in writing. Great snippet. I especially love this taunt, ” “Let’s see if those keen New York City eyes can back up the mouth,” he said.”

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  10. chellecordero

    great dialogue. My fave this week is: “Sounds like you’re taking the job,” he replied. “It’ll sound even more like it if you tell me something useful.”

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