#SnippetSunday – Hard-Boiled/Noir WIP – June 28, 2015

Snippet Sunday is a Facebook group for writers I’ve been privileged enough to have been accepted into.

From the group guidelines; “Welcome to Snippet Sunday, where writers come together to share a few sentences of their current project–whether it’s a recently released novel, a WIP (work in progress), or an older manuscript that’s being revived. Intended to hook readers, gather feedback and build an author’s fan base, Snippet Sunday is the FB group that does all three.”

This week’s snippet picks up where my last one left off.

We’re just heard this exchange between Jake and Jed;

“She told me she had someone who needed hurting, right after she asked me if I knew how to hurt people. I assumed she meant you.”

“You assumed wrong.”

“Did I?”

Here’s this week’s snippet;

He glared at me for about a second less than it would have taken to start round three. I could sense Beau behind the bar, already calculating the cost of repairs.

“What else did she say?” he asked, breathing out his anger.

“That about covered it,” I replied. “I’m starting to wonder how much she told you.”

“I got the who out of her. Never did find out the why.”

“Care to share that information?”

“That depends. You taking the job?”

“You haven’t told me what the job is yet.”

We sat through most of an Eva Cassidy and Chuck Brown duet without speaking.

“Back in town you said Marisa never goes far when she takes off,” I said. “She step out on you that often?”

He curled his fingers to make a fist but gave up halfway through.

“Not while we were living together,” he answered.

I paused to enjoy a little of James Carr’s rendition of, “The Dark Side of the Street.” Beau’s juke box had a sense of humor.

“Since then?”

“Every piece of shit drifter to hit town gets the treatment.”

The cracked smile he hit me with was made even uglier by his mangled lips.

I spun the Wheel of Responses and came up, “Let it slide”.

Thanks for stopping by, and thanks for any feedback you feel inclined to leave.

If you’re a fellow Snippet Sunday author, please take the time to go visit other writer’s blogs to check out their work. This only works if we all help each other out!

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Posted on June 27, 2015, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 12 Comments.

  1. Curiouser and curiouser. Great snippet, Jeff. 🙂

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  2. I have two favorite lines in this:
    Beau’s juke box had a sense of humor.
    and
    I spun the Wheel of Responses and came up, “Let it slide”.

    He doesn’t seem to be getting his questions answered very well, though.

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  3. Nice dialogue …. some great one-liners … very intriguing excerpt!

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  4. Really like this snippet–nice dialogue. I love the line about the wheel of responses and the mention of the songs that the jukebox plays.

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  5. Woman’s looking for a protector without community ties, I guess.

    Love the dialogue and the background details! 🙂

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  6. Interesting! I like the accent music from the jukebox and the idea of Beau figuring the losses from damage just in case was great.

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  7. The dialogue between them is great, and I love the part about Beau behind the bar calculating expenses.

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  8. What a great sense of place and character here, Jeff! I love how you use the jukebox to set a counter-mood, the description of the smile! (LOVE THAT)… especially on a guy named Beau. Just a really great piece.

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  9. Karen Michelle Nutt

    Enjoyed the scene and music to set the mood. I liked this line: ‘He curled his fingers to make a fist but gave up halfway through.’ It was a great visual and gave me the feeling of the guys temper being barely held in check. Well done.

    Like

  10. chellecordero

    Maybe I’ve been watching too many made for TV movies, but with the vague or cryptic answers I’m beginning to wonder if the couple is running some kind of scam on him/

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  11. So sorry for the really delayed response. I’m playing catch up on Sunday Snippets.

    Love the dialogue between these two. So much tension and almost mockery in the short, vague answers. My favorite lines, like P.T. are the ones about the jute box having a sense of humor and the Wheel of Responses bit. That last one is priceless.

    Can’t wait to see if he does take the job and what it’s really about.

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