#SnippetSunday – Hard-Boiled/Noir WIP – June 14, 2015

Snippet Sunday is a Facebook group for writers I’ve been privileged enough to have been accepted into.

From the group guidelines; “Welcome to Snippet Sunday, where writers come together to share a few sentences of their current project–whether it’s a recently released novel, a WIP (work in progress), or an older manuscript that’s being revived. Intended to hook readers, gather feedback and build an author’s fan base, Snippet Sunday is the FB group that does all three.”

This week’s and snippet is another slice of the conversation between Jake and Jed in the bar… Jed has just told Jake that he wants to hire him…

“Hire me? To do what?”

He finished his beer before answering my questions. He grinned a little as he set the glass down.

“Brass tacks, Jake. You a private eye or not?”

I blinked at him, stalling while I tried to work it out. I could only think of one way he’d know.

“Marisa went through your wallet,” he said.

Bingo.

“I’ve always been a heavy sleeper,” I replied.

The barb bounced off him and faded into the darkness of the booth. Their romance was as dead as he said it was.

“I sleep light,” he said. “Didn’t help.”

I straightened up and sat all the way back on my bench.

“I’m only licensed in New York, you know.”

“That’s weak, bud.”

I eyed the lonely suds at the bottom of my empty glass while he waited for my curiosity to win.

“What do you have in mind?” I asked.

“What did she tell you?”

“She told me she had someone who needed hurting, right after she asked me if I knew how to hurt people. I assumed she meant you.”

“You assumed wrong.”

“Did I?”

Thanks for stopping by to read & thanks for any feedback you feel inclined to leave.

If you’re a fellow Snippet Sunday writer, please take the time to visit as many of us as you can. This only works if we all support each other’s work.

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Posted on June 14, 2015, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 12 Comments.

  1. Hmm… Intriguing. Someone from her past? But why would Jed care? Unless he is still in love with her? Lots of questions raised in this bit of conversation. (And I love the “lonely suds.”)

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  2. Jed doesn’t really understand “no” said with subtlety apparently. I wonder who is the next character that needs hurting.

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  3. “I sleep light,” he said. “Didn’t help.”

    This keeps getting better and better, Jeff! Do you have an agent or publisher, yet? ‘Cause this could do it. 🙂

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  4. Your dialog just keeps getting better.
    Keep up the good work.
    I enjoy stories told by conversation rather than a narrator.

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  5. Nicely done, Jeff. I think there are assumptions on both sides, but that doesn’t mean they’re wrong. Great snippet. 🙂

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  6. Their romance is dead, but Jed wants to hire Jake for Marissa’s sake? So many questions raised here. I like the dialogue. It feels like an ‘old friends’ moment, but with a hint that these friends need to fix some things between them, and that it’s going to be hard to do with a big bad hovering over them all to deal with

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  7. Of course now I need to know who has to be hurt and why and…yup, you’ve gotten me hooked here! Excellent excerpt…

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  8. Wow–great snippet. Loved the dialogue and I want to know who needs to be hurt. I love his excuse that he’s only licensed in New York.

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  9. Love that last line of “Did I?”! That’s something I would have said in response. I like the banter that keeps it going, the little hints it drops and almost codes. Keeps it interesting. Nice snippet.

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  10. Karen Michelle Nutt

    So…who did she want him to hurt. Intriguing snippet. Loved the banter and the imagery you’ve created.

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  11. chellecordero

    Yes, I definitely want to know who SHE wanted hurt and I am curious if it is the same person that Jed wants to hire Jake for??? Very intrigued

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  12. Great dialogue … now did he ?? Can’t wait to find out!

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