#SnippetSunday – Hard-Boiled/Noir WIP – May 17, 2015

Snippet Sunday is a Facebook group for writers I’ve been privileged enough to have been accepted into.

From the group guidelines; “Welcome to Snippet Sunday, where writers come together to share a few sentences of their current project–whether it’s a recently released novel, a WIP (work in progress), or an older manuscript that’s being revived. Intended to hook readers, gather feedback and build an author’s fan base, Snippet Sunday is the FB group that does all three.”

This week’s snippet picks up pretty much where last week’s left off.

Jake, fresh off the fight with the big guy who’d sucker-punched him and grabbed Marisa at the hotel, is discussing the matter with the local constabulary, in the form of Deputy Norris.

Jake has just asked if there was a problem. The Deputy’s reply was… “You tell me.”

“You’ve been here three days,” he continued. “Two fistfights.”

“Wouldn’t call that first one a fistfight. Assault is more like it.”

“Going to press charges, Mr. Tunner?”

I looked over his shoulder down Main Street. Jed stood on the corner, with his back to us, talking to one of the men in work clothes.

“No,” I said.

“Maybe you do things different in New York City but around here, two fights in three days is two fights too many.”

“He was handling her pretty rough in the cab of that truck just now.”

The corners of his mouth moved as he bit back whatever he was about to say. He rested his hands on his hips and gave me an earnest stare instead.

“I’m prepared to look past this little tussle, Mr. Tunner. Only thing hurt today is Jed’s pride.”

“Jed’s face. And my hand.”

“We’re kind of talking about the same thing, don’t you think?”

“Fair point.”

I was starting to like Deputy Norris.

He raised his hat and rubbed at the reddened spot where brim met forehead.

“Couldn’t help but notice the concealed carry permit,” he said. “Is the weapon in your car?”

“At the motel,” I replied, “packed away.”

“See to it that it stays that way.”

“That’s my plan.”

Thanks for dropping by to read this… and thanks for any feedback you feel inclined to leave.

And don’t forget to check out the other Snippet Sunday authors.

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Posted on May 17, 2015, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 13 Comments.

  1. Great snippet. I’m really enjoy this story and this character. His responses are great. 🙂

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  2. I love this exchange:

    Only thing hurt today is Jed’s pride.”

    “Jed’s face. And my hand.”

    “We’re kind of talking about the same thing, don’t you think?”

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  3. I’m a sucker for good exchanges so I thought “wow!” 🙂 I hope there will be more of this in your upcoming snippets.

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  4. great dialogue. great snippet.

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  5. I already like Deputy Norris. You draw characters so well, Jeff. 🙂

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  6. Jed’s pride only, I’m not sure. I wonder what the deputy thinks is so great about Jed anyway. He doesn’t seem like a good guy to me.

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  7. I like Norris, too. And that Jake isn’t into violence if he can help it. Great snippet, Jeff. 🙂

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  8. Looks like Jake and Dep. Norris see eye to eye in more ways that one might think. Neat

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  9. I love this dialogue! Great snippet this week.

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  10. Smart and snappy. I like it, and I’m also liking the Deputy.

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  11. Karen Michelle Nutt

    You’re fantastic with character interaction. Enjoying the story.

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  12. Enjoyed the tone of the excerpt very much. Both characters are terrific!

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  13. chellecordero

    I like the Deputy, he seems easy-going and yet he finds a very non-threatening way to warn (about the gun remaining tucked away) Really good exchange.

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