#SnippetSunday – Hard-Boiled/Noir WIP – May 10, 2015

Snippet Sunday is a Facebook group for writers I’ve been privileged enough to have been accepted into.

From the group guidelines; “Welcome to Snippet Sunday, where writers come together to share a few sentences of their current project–whether it’s a recently released novel, a WIP (work in progress), or an older manuscript that’s being revived. Intended to hook readers, gather feedback and build an author’s fan base, Snippet Sunday is the FB group that does all three.”

We’re moving ahead a little with this week’s snippet. Last week’s saw the law come calling on our friend Jake. This bit is from the ensuing conversation.

Deputy Norris nodded toward my Oldsmobile and gave me a smile packed with professional courtesy.

“Why don’t we continue our conversation over by your vehicle,” he said.

We crossed the street, stopping near the hood of my car. He ran his eyes over the dents and scratches in the paint.

They matched the dents and scratches in me.

I dug out my wallet and handed it to him when he finished inspecting the car.

“Jacob Tunner,” he said after a quick but thorough tour through my collection of cards and licenses. “All the way from New York City.”

“Call me Jake.”

He handed the wallet back. I put it away.

“Says you’re a private investigator,” he said. “Are you working on something in town?”

“I’m just passing through, deputy.”

“Passing through,” he repeated, rolling the words around in his mouth to get their taste. “Most people who pass through tend to, I don’t know, pass through?”

“I’m not following you.”

“You’re paid up at Evangeline’s for a week, Mr. Tunner.”

I must have made a face.

“Don’t worry about Evangeline,” said Norris. “She told me what the law requires and not a word more. She’s as good as they come.”

The wind carried an understated salt tang on it. The ocean, even in the middle of town, made its presence known.

“Is there a problem, deputy?”

“You tell me.”

Thanks, as always, for stopping by to check me out, and thanks for any feedback you feel inclined to leave.

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Posted on May 10, 2015, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 10 Comments.

  1. I like how this story is continuing. Great post, Jeff.

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  2. I have no idea what Jake has put himself into but that seems to be pretty complicated.

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  3. ” We crossed the street, stopping near the hood of my car. He ran his eyes over the dents and scratches in the paint.

    They matched the dents and scratches in me.”

    This entire passage, from dialogue to description, is pitch perfect, Jeff. But the above lines are my favorite. 🙂

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  4. Love the cat-and-mouse game of the deputy trying to get information and Jake telling him the least amount, waiting to see what he’ll do. Great snippet, Jeff. 🙂

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  5. This snippet has pulled me in! I need more.

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  6. Looks like Jake didn’t expect to be ‘outed’ quite so fast. Still, if he plays his cards right… looks like he can make some heaway here.

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  7. Great snippet. Always wonderful writing.
    I like the suspension of the two men. 😉

    Side note, there is an “a” in the first line.
    “gave me smile packed”
    “gave me a smile packed”

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  8. Nicely done from start to finish. Great job.

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  9. Love all the details in this, and they are so flawlessly inserted…

    So, is there a problem? (I’m thinking there wasn’t, but there is now.)

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  10. Karen Michelle Nutt

    Just what is the deputy fishing for? Or what is he saying, but not. lol Interesting banter. Like always you draw me right into your world.

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