#SnippetSunday – Hard-Boiled/Noir WIP – April 12, 2015

Snippet Sunday is a Facebook group for writers I’ve been privileged enough to have been accepted into.

From the group guidelines; “Welcome to Snippet Sunday, where writers come together to share a few sentences of their current project–whether it’s a recently released novel, a WIP (work in progress), or an older manuscript that’s being revived. Intended to hook readers, gather feedback and build an author’s fan base, Snippet Sunday is the FB group that does all three.”

I’m jumping ahead a bit with this week’s snippet (which means you guys still don’t know who the big man who kicked Jake’s ass is!). This scene takes place a couple of days later, on the street in town. Jake has been hanging around, making quiet inquiries about Marisa. Then he spots a familiar red pick-up truck. There’s some kind of unpleasantness going on in the cab… and then a familiar large man steps out of the driver’s side…

Note – I’ve changed the name of the town from Caravan Bay to Olson’s Point.

I dropped my lunch and ran across the street, making it halfway to the pickup truck before what was left of my sandwich hit the sidewalk.

“Hey”, I called out, closing the distance.

The big man spun in time to catch my shoulder in his solar plexus. All two hundred pounds of me barreled into his midsection, throwing him backward against the side of his truck.

Marisa bounced around inside the cab, one arm and one bare foot flailing in the air.

The man fought for breath, recovering faster than I expected him to. He grinned when he recognized me.

I moved in and threw a pair of body shots into him that should have staggered a moose. If he felt them it didn’t show on his face.

He tried a wild backhanded left at my head. I ducked it. The wind generated from the swing almost knocked me over.

I countered with an tooth-cracking uppercut that snapped his head back.

I sensed a crowd– or what passed for a crowd in downtown Olson’s Point– gathering nearby.

Marisa started hollering out the open driver’s side window. I couldn’t make out what she was saying.

The big guy blocked my left jab hard enough to throw me off balance.

I ate a pawing right, fed him two rights of my own, then we both hit the pavement, cursing and grappling as we fell.

As always, thanks for stopping by to check my work out, and thanks for any feedback you feel inclined to leave for me.


Posted on April 12, 2015, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 13 Comments.

  1. You write action so well, Jeff. I envy that! 🙂

    I can’t decide if he’ll gain an enemy for life or a best friend. And I don’t have a clue how Marisa will react . . .


  2. You nailed the guy-fight right on, Jeff. And I loved that he couldn’t hear Marisa. Great snippet. 😀


    • Thank you, Siobhan! The not hearing Marisa came about because I couldn’t think of a single line of dialogue that would have done any good in that spot, so I drew it up as just more noise in the situation. 😉


  3. Fully action packed! Great snippet, we can “feel” the blows landing. Wonder what Marisa was trying to yell?


  4. Karen Michelle Nutt

    Great action-packed scene. I can picture it clearly in my mind. Well done!


  5. I love that he doesn’t give up even though he might be out of his depth with this guy. Left wondering what is going on with Marisa in the cab. More! Great stuff.


  6. Wow…really great action. Loved it. I might come to you for fight tips when I have to write one.


  7. I’m going to hire you to write my fight scenes. (How are you with swords?)


  8. I ate a pawing right, fed him two rights of my own. I like this. I hope he hasn’t bitten off more than he can chew.


  9. This scene was definitely action packed! Great job this week.


  10. That’s quite a brawl! Seems like he’s met his match, though.


  11. Cool action scene. This flows well with just the right amount of details.


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