#SnippetSunday – Hard-Boiled/Noir WIP – April 5, 2015

Snippet Sunday is a Facebook group for writers I’ve been privileged enough to have been accepted into.

From the group guidelines; “Welcome to Snippet Sunday, where writers come together to share a few sentences of their current project–whether it’s a recently released novel, a WIP (work in progress), or an older manuscript that’s being revived. Intended to hook readers, gather feedback and build an author’s fan base, Snippet Sunday is the FB group that does all three.”

This week’s snippet is taken from the scene previewed in last week’s snippet.

Jake is in his room after taking a beating. Marisa is gone. Evangeline brought her cut man in to help put Jake’s face back together…

Santo pulled the enswell back, then probed my cheek with his bony fingers.

“Good bones,” he declared.

“Thanks?” I blinked at him.

“Should be in pieces,” he explained, reapplying the enswell, “but it’s holding together. You got good bones.”

He continued to poke around, hard enough for pain to cut through the numbness.

“Where’s Marisa?” I asked.

“I told you,” replied Evangeline, “she’s not here.”

She paused.

“You didn’t mention you were a private investigator, Jake.”

I peered around Santo’s knuckles.

Evangeline had my wallet in one hand and one of my business cards in the other.

“You didn’t ask.”

She went to drop the wallet on the table, caught herself, then set it down on the nightstand.

“Where’d she go, Evangeline?”

“Where? I’d just be guessing,” she said. “Who with? That should be obvious, even to a trained private investigator.”

“He took her with him,” I muttered.

“That’s one way of saying it,” said Evangeline.

“There’s another way?”

I moved my head away from Santo. He slapped me behind the ear, then reapplied the enswell.

“Could say she went with him,” he said.

“Why the hell would she do that?”

Santo redoubled his focus on my eye. Evangeline found something to contemplate in the framed beach scene on the wall above my head.

“Who is he?” I demanded.

Santo straightened up and eyeballed me. He could have fit two more people inside the faded red bowling shirt he had on.

“You really wanna know?” he grunted.

Thanks, as always, for dropping by, and thanks for any feedback you feel inclined to leave.

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Posted on April 5, 2015, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 12 Comments.

  1. Karen Michelle Nutt

    I wanna know. 🙂 Enjoyed the snippet!

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  2. I’m thinking he’s not going to like the answer…

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  3. I wanna know … great snippet, Jeff … as usual 🙂

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  4. Your writing is maturing. I appreciate the brevity of detail both in your characters and the setting. You’ve given readers enough to let them fill in the rest themselves. If you gave me a more thorough description of Evangeline now, I’d probably be disappointed.
    Keep on writing Mr. Jeff.

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  5. Oh my. There’s more going on here than a simple beating. Great snippet, Jeff.

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  6. I want to know! Great snippet.

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  7. Gah! You just leave it there? Bah! – great writing. I like getting my weekly fix, however small!

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  8. He may or may not want to know, but I do.

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  9. Good excerpt! And way to leave us hanging 😉

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  10. Personally I would want to know. I mean the guy just disfigure him, he might as well get information for the next time he sees him.

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  11. Did she go with him under duress or willingly? This scene truly makes the reader sooooo curious. Great snippet.

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  12. Interesting development. I enjoyed the snippet, but I’m look warm about the length of the conversation and the pronoun game. Maybe trimming it a bit would be better for tension. Hard to say without the whole chapter around it, but something to think about. I like how they’re getting to know each other.

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