#SnippetSunday – Hard-Boiled/Noir WIP – March 29, 2015

Snippet Sunday is a Facebook group for writers I’ve been privileged enough to have been accepted into.

From the group guidelines; “Welcome to Snippet Sunday, where writers come together to share a few sentences of their current project–whether it’s a recently released novel, a WIP (work in progress), or an older manuscript that’s being revived. Intended to hook readers, gather feedback and build an author’s fan base, Snippet Sunday is the FB group that does all three.”

This week’s snippet is a slice of the aftermath of last snippet’s violence. Jake wakes up in his bed in the motel room. Evangeline is there, as is somebody else…

A face I didn’t recognize hovered in and out of view.

It was a thin, black face, with pursed lips, squinting eyes behind a pair of horn-rimmed glasses, and a bold handlebar mustache.

Its owner knelt on the bed next to me, pressing some kind of frozen torture device against my right cheek with his gnarled, skeletal hand.

I flinched again and tried to back away.

“Cool it,” said Evangeline. “You wanna see out of that eye later today? Let the man do his work.”

“Who is this man?” I demanded.

“This is Santo,” she replied. “Used to be my cut man. Best in the business.”

Santo moved the icy thing higher on my cheek and pressed harder.

“Cut man?”

“I spent more than half my life in the ring,” she said. “Don’t look so surprised. There’s more women in the fight game than anyone thinks.”

I sat back, resigned to my fate.

Santo’s torture device was an enswell– that thing that looks like a meat press a boxer’s corner man keeps on ice to control swelling.

I always thought it must hurt like hell to have that thing jammed into a broken face. I wasn’t wrong.

I winced and let my breath out through my teeth.

“Yeah, yeah,” grumbled Santo. He sounded like someone had used his vocal cords to plow a rocky field. “It breaks my heart too.”

I trained my eye on Evangeline.

“Got any pointers for next time?” I asked.

“Yes,” she said, “don’t lead with your face.”

She laughed. So did Santo.

It was turning into a regular party.

Thanks for stopping by, and thanks for any feedback you feel inclined to leave.

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Posted on March 28, 2015, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 12 Comments.

  1. She’s a boxer?! Jeff . . . I am officially in gleeful awe of this story.

    And I always wondered what those cold press things were called. 🙂

    Like

  2. A regular ice pack doesn’t even feel all that good on a black eye — I am wincing at this description.

    (And my black eye came from being thrown from a horse that decided to be an idiot and act like a bronc. Of course, I had a broken finger (and four sprained ones) and shouldn’t have been riding anyhow, but that’s another story. LOL)

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  3. Note to self: If I need protection, better not count on Jake.
    Funny one though.

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  4. ‘lead with your face’ – made me laugh out loud. Female boxers, now there’s something to embellish on. Good writing as always.

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  5. Great snippet. I like the description of Santo! Bold handle bar mustache! Love it.

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  6. Clever dialog.
    Well done!

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  7. I’m feeling his pain. I’m thinking that if she is boxer, he should let her handle things next time. Great scene. 🙂

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  8. Bet that hurt. Nice dialogue.

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  9. Your description of the Cut-Man sounded so ominous, I visualized him clearly… and shuddered. No wonder Jake thinks of the cold enswell as a torture device.

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  10. Karen Michelle Nutt

    She’s a boxer– love it! Also loved that she told him not to lead with his face. Made me chuckle. Enjoyed the snippet!

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  11. A boxer? Nicely done …. really enjoying this story.

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  12. I like the boxer detail and how it plays into the situation. Great character reveal!

    Like

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