#SnippetSunday – Hard-Boiled/Noir WIP – March 15, 2015

Snippet Sunday is a Facebook group for writers I’ve been privileged enough to have been accepted into.

From the group guidelines; “Welcome to Snippet Sunday, where writers come together to share a few sentences of their current project–whether it’s a recently released novel, a WIP (work in progress), or an older manuscript that’s being revived. Intended to hook readers, gather feedback and build an author’s fan base, Snippet Sunday is the FB group that does all three.”

This week’s snippet picks up right where last week’s left off… Jake woke up alone in the middle of the night. Marisa is gone. He goes to investigate the situation, trying to wake up, listening for clues…

A big engine idled in the parking lot, close to the building. The steady thrum made it hard to hear the conversation taking place outside my door.

Marisa’s voice was easy to pick out. I didn’t recognize the other one.

They didn’t sound like old friends remembering the good times.

I made for the front window, stubbing my toe on a table leg on the way. I swallowed profanity as I took a peek through the blinds.

Marisa stood with her back to the door, looking better in my shirt and shorts than I ever had. Her pal was a big, bald man in a white wifebeater and camouflage pants.

He cast a huge shadow on the moonlit blacktop.

A red pickup truck, with its engine running, occupied the spot to the left of my door.

The argument got hotter. Marisa was winning on points, but the guy made his words count– when he was able to get them in.

I hustled across the room, stubbing my toe again, to my duffel bag, fished out a pair of jeans, and pulled them on. I reached back in after zipping up and dug around the bottom until I found a small leather satchel. I opened the satchel, removing my Browning .22 and my blackjack.

The argument outside got louder.

I took another second to think about it, then dropped the gun back into the bag and headed for the door, blackjack in hand.

Thanks, as always, for reading, and thanks for any feedback you feel inclined to leave.

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Posted on March 15, 2015, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 14 Comments.

  1. This is an excellent moment, Jeff—it says a lot about Jake and makes Marisa even more mysterious.

    I think he made a good decision about the gun . . . but I’m remembering that this is noir and wading into this argument may be well-intentioned, but not necessarily wise.

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  2. Great post, Jeff. The mystery, the toe humour, and then the decision whether or not. Brilliant.
    But what on earth is a wifebeater ??

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  3. It’s a great scene. Marisa truly is a woman of mystery. I hope he doesn’t regret not taking the gun.

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  4. I’d really love to know what they’re arguing about. Great details in this — especially stubbing the toe (and then doing it again — sounds like something I would do) and thinking twice about the gun.

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  5. Very, very realistic narrative. I think I would have taken the gun, but his caution is well understood – besides I think he can probably handle himself very well with the blackjack. I love the way he notes how much better she looks in his shirt and shorts than he does. Great snippet.

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  6. Swallowed profanity…what a great image! I can see the throat closing, the words going down…lovely.

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  7. Women always look good when they steal their boyfriend’s clothes, don’t they?
    I think she knew the guy was coming for her and that she picked him for the night on purpose. That was very smart of her, even though not so romantic.

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  8. Interesting that he chose to put the gun back. Great snippet, Jeff. 🙂

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  9. Loved this line “The argument got hotter. Marisa was winning on points, but the guy made his words count– when he was able to get them in.” Great job at painting this scene.

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  10. Karen Michelle Nutt

    Intense, mysterious and humorous– all rolled into an intriguing snippet! Loved it!

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  11. Oh, I can’t wait to find out what is about to happen and to find out what the two are arguing about. 🙂

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  12. I’m glad he left the gun behind, but hope he doesn’t end up regretting that decision. Intense scene coming up.

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