#SnippetSunday – Hard-Boiled/Noir WIP – March 8, 2015

Snippet Sunday is a Facebook group for writers I’ve been privileged enough to have been accepted into.

From the group guidelines; “Welcome to Snippet Sunday, where writers come together to share a few sentences of their current project–whether it’s a recently released novel, a WIP (work in progress), or an older manuscript that’s being revived. Intended to hook readers, gather feedback and build an author’s fan base, Snippet Sunday is the FB group that does all three.”

I think you’ve all got the gist of the scene between Jake and Marisa on the beach so I’m going to move ahead a bit in the story. Jake and Marisa successfully make it back to the Sunshade Motel. This scene takes place in the middle of the night, after the first snippet I shared from this WIP (the one in which she asks Jake if he knows how to hurt people)…

I woke up alone some time later.

Marisa’s spot was still warm and I could still smell her scent on the sheets. No Marisa, though.

I called out her name. The fridge answered with the intermittent gasp and groan I’d become accustomed to.

Just enough moonlight bled through the bent venetian blinds to make things easy on my eyes.

She wasn’t in the cheap armchair in the far corner or at the table by the fridge. She wasn’t in the bathroom either.

I found Marisa’s swimsuit on the floor at the foot of the bed, right where she’d left it. The clothing I’d dropped was gone.

The refrigerator piped down, giving me a little quiet to work with.

I shook the sleep out of my ears and listened.

Thanks for stopping by to read my work and thanks for any feedback you feel inclined to leave.


Posted on March 8, 2015, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 24 Comments.

  1. I love the rhythm of the sentences in this, and I’m more than curious about what’s happened to his clothes. Something tells me she’s not doing his laundry…


  2. Karen Michelle Nutt

    Clothes scattered here and there… I’m more than a little curious. Where oh where is she? Enjoyed the snippet.


  3. I’m curious also. I love the description of the refrigerator–it kind of sounds like mine.


  4. What can he hear? Well done, Jeff. I like your writing style, your descriptions, your characters….


  5. The morning after the night before, hmmm? 🙂

    I agree with Paula: this flows really well. And I really want to know what he’s going to hear . . .


  6. Sleep out of *ears*…that is a new and creative way of putting it. Lovely writing, as always.

    You are not privileged to be part of the group…we are lucky to have you in it! Thank you for all that you do.


  7. So she took his clothes. I wonder where she went.


  8. I love how he’s searching with his ears. Wonder where she is. Great snippet.


  9. elainecsc2013

    Flows beautifully. Now I want to know where she went.


  10. Very intriguing. Your descriptive words really paint a vivid picture – when I read the words about the fridge I started listening to my own, lol. Her bathing suit is still there but not his clothes? I wonder if he is oging to have to try to fit into the bathing suit for any cover??


  11. Wonder where she went? Hopefully she didn’t walk out on him… Nice snippet!


  12. Really great deep POV and active setting Jeff. Great snippet 🙂


  13. His transition from sleep to wakeful assessment is very well done. Great writing!


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