#SnippetSunday – Hard-Boiled/Noir WIP – March 1, 2015

Snippet Sunday is a Facebook group for writers I’ve been privileged enough to have been accepted into.

From the group guidelines; “Welcome to Snippet Sunday, where writers come together to share a few sentences of their current project–whether it’s a recently released novel, a WIP (work in progress), or an older manuscript that’s being revived. Intended to hook readers, gather feedback and build an author’s fan base, Snippet Sunday is the FB group that does all three.”

This week’s snippet features more from the first time Jake and Marisa meet. They’re on the beach, there’s a tattoo involved, beer has been consumed, and Jake is beginning to wonder what’s really happening…

Waves crashed in with a satisfying whoosh and roar. The wind brought a fine salt spray all the way up to our spot. Dirty white gulls swooped down and nipped at the seaweed and shattered shellfish piled up at the shoreline.

She shook the hair out of her face, giving me my first clear look at the freckles that dotted her cheeks. Her nose hooked a little to the left, though not like it had been broken and set that way.

She caught me looking and favored me with another one of those smiles.

Either she bleached her teeth or I was wrong about the pack-a-day habit.

I responded with the standard involuntary idiot grin.

“My name’s Marisa,” she said.

“Jake.”

“Jake. Really?”

“Why not?”

She took a healthy swig of beer.

“You don’t meet many guys named Jake anymore.”

“I’m old, Marisa.” Saying her name felt pretty good. “Jake’s all I’ve got.”

“Jake suits you,” she said. She finished her beer. “And you’re not that old.”

She dropped her empty back into the pail.

“Thanks,” I muttered. “That’s the nicest thing anyone’s said about me in months.”

Thanks, as always, for stopping by, and thanks for any feedback you feel inclined to leave.

Advertisements

Posted on March 1, 2015, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 15 Comments.

  1. This line is awesome! “I responded with the standard involuntary idiot grin.”

    Like

  2. She is totally flirting with him, it’s time he takes a int.

    Like

  3. I love this line: “I responded with the standard involuntary idiot grin.” Nicely done!

    Like

  4. He’s not really good at the flirting thing, lol. But he’s sweet in a grainy rough kind of way. 🙂

    Like

  5. Your lead-in reminded me of Jimmy Buffett’s line about the tatoo, “Where it came from I haven’t a clue.”

    Like

  6. Good descriptions, Jeff—I envy the natural way you can work those in.

    I’m beginning to get a sense of Jake’s mindset, and “optimistic” isn’t it. 🙂

    I like the idiot grin, too, but I’m hoping she isn’t planning on enforcing his opinion.

    Like

  7. Reblogged this on Cecilia Corona and commented:
    Looking for more authors and stories? Come check out this snippet for starters.

    Like

  8. She totally digs him. Great snippet. Can’t wait for more.

    Like

  9. There’s a difference between old and old fashioned, too. Great snippet, Jeff. 🙂

    Like

  10. Karen Michelle Nutt

    Love the way Jake describes Marisa. Great inner thoughts!

    Like

  11. I do believe she’s flirting with him. Nice scene.

    Like

  12. Great funny scene. 🙂

    Like

  13. chellecordero

    very entertaining snippet. On a personal level I enjoyed the comments about his name; I also have a character named Jake who worries he is too old for the heroine, LOL. Glad she told him that he’s not that old.

    Like

  14. Great snippet, Jeff. I liked the description and the dialogue. really well done, as usual 🙂

    Like

  15. Really like this–the description of the beach and their dialogue is wonderful!

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: