#SnippetSunday – Hard-Boiled/Noir WIP – February 22, 2015

Snippet Sunday is a Facebook group for writers I’ve been privileged enough to have been accepted into.

From the group guidelines; “Welcome to Snippet Sunday, where writers come together to share a few sentences of their current project–whether it’s a recently released novel, a WIP (work in progress), or an older manuscript that’s being revived. Intended to hook readers, gather feedback and build an author’s fan base, Snippet Sunday is the FB group that does all three.”

This week’s snippet moves forward in the story. In an earlier snippet, I shared a slice of an intimate scene featuring our hero, Jake, and the femme fatale, Marisa. This snippet is from the scene in which they first meet… Jake’s enjoying a quiet afternoon on the beach as the action opens…

“Anyone sitting here?”

A woman’s voice, low, with a hint of a drawl, seasoned by what sounded like a pack-a-day habit.

I looked over the rims of my sunglasses.

Medium height. Curves. A turquoise one-piece bathing suit that showed neither too much nor too little.

The afternoon sun brought out the fire in her tangled red hair, casting an amber glow on the parts of her face that showed around her shades.

She held a pair of sandals that matched her swimsuit and a sheer white cover-up in one hand and a canvas tote bag in the other.

I scanned the thirty yards of empty beach in every direction around my chair.

“Make yourself at home,” I said.

“Thanks,” she replied, dropping her stuff next to my chair.

I watched her kneel and pull a beach towel out of her bag.

The word, ‘Fearless’, tattooed in blue cursive on the instep of her right foot, caught my attention.

She gave me a wary, conspiratorial kind of smile as she settled down on the towel.

“You’re not one of those foot freaks, are you?” she asked.

“Can’t say I ever thought about it,” forcing myself to look away from her feet.

“There’s nothing wrong with it if you are,” she said, stretching her legs out in front of her. “We like what we like.”

I liked looking at that tattoo. Maybe I was one of those foot freaks.

I busted the 12 sentence limit by a few… Sorry. I kept looking for a good stopping place and this one was the one that made the most sense.

As always, thanks for stopping by & thanks for any feedback you feel inclined to leave for me.


Posted on February 22, 2015, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 17 Comments.

  1. My snippet this week breaks the limit too. LOL We can be rebels together. (And for pretty much the same reason — needing a stopping place.)

    Great description and I laughed out loud at that last line and scared my pet rats.


  2. Love the descriptions you give, they’re so clear and vivid! I like the tattoo bit and the last line made me chuckle. Great snippet!

    (Don’t worry, I broke the limit this week too. Finding a stopping point that make sense is always the challenge.)


  3. Oh, I could’ve read on easily you sucked me right in … LOL at then”those foot freaks”


  4. This is pitch perfect, Jeff! If I wasn’t hooked on this story already, I would be now. 🙂


  5. lol! Love his thought at the end. Great excerpt


  6. I’m fascinated. She purposefully seats herself next to him to flirt?? Love the fixation on her tattoo. 🙂


  7. Maybe he is…with the right person. Great snippet, Jeff. I would have looked around, too, if she asked to sit next to me on an empty beach. 😀


  8. Reblogged this on Cecilia Corona and commented:
    Check out this great snippet.


  9. Absolutely loved this snippet. I always want to bust out 12 sentences, its so hard not too. Very descriptive, I loved it.


  10. Karen Michelle Nutt

    Love the imagery. You truly set the scene and put we right there on the beach. So why must she sit so close? Great snippet.


  11. “The afternoon sun brought out the fire in her tangled red hair” — great line!
    Nice 8, er 12, or 17. Whatever. LOL


  12. You do descriptions so well. I wonder, though, if she’ll be friend or foe.


  13. Your excellent prose leaves this reader mesmerized by the Fearless tattoo as well. A very intriguing snippet


  14. Ah Jeff, I love your work. Now… Jake and Marisa. I know them, right?


  15. Everything about this works. The description, his internal narrative. Nicely done. My curiosity is piqued!


  16. Really good description and nice touched with the tattoo and the food freak part. Now I wonder what she wants from him.


  17. Very nice character introduction. The description is great, but also the small elements of characterization (the fact that she sits there, though there’s plenty of space; the tattoo and the exchange it creates). Good job!


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