#SnippetSunday – Hard-Boiled/Noir WIP – February 1

Snippet Sunday is a Facebook group for writers I’ve been privileged enough to have been accepted into.

From the group guidelines; “Welcome to Snippet Sunday, where writers come together to share a few sentences of their current project–whether it’s a recently released novel, a WIP (work in progress), or an older manuscript that’s being revived. Intended to hook readers, gather feedback and build an author’s fan base, Snippet Sunday is the FB group that does all three.”

This week’s snippet catches our hero as he bellies up to the bar at Beau’s Bar & Grill…

I stepped up to the bar as Lonesome George gave way to Koko Taylor. Beau got full marks for his juke box.

The guys in the coveralls watched me settle onto a stool. I nodded an amiable greeting in their direction. They nodded back, kind of.

Two burly,middle-aged couples in jeans and t-shirts from various tropical ports of call shared one booth. I felt their stares bounce off my back, not rude exactly, just curious and a little bit territorial.

Could’ve been worse.

There are parts of the country where everything but respiration stops the second a stranger walks in and doesn’t start up again until he’s gone.

“Passing through, friend?” asked Beau, looking my way.

“More or less,” I said.

He set the glass he’d been drying down and came to stand in front of me.

“Yeah? Which is it, mister? More or less?”

“Good question.”

He smirked, then grabbed a pint glass, drew a beer, and set it in front of me.

“Good answer,” he replied.

As always, thank you for stopping by to read & thanks for any feedback you feel inclined to leave…

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Posted on February 1, 2015, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 10 Comments.

  1. Karen Michelle Nutt

    Enjoyed the snippet. Love this visual– “There are parts of the country where everything but respiration stops the second a stranger walks in and doesn’t start up again until he’s gone.” I could well imagine. 🙂 Great banter with the bartender, too. You put me right there in the scene.

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  2. Small local places can be nerve-wracking if you’re not a local, and you’ve conveyed that well. Great snippet — and I love the conversation with the bartender.

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  3. Gotta love small towns. Love his response to them. 🙂

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  4. You nailed it. I live in a smaller than small town, lol. There aren’t many coming and going out our way and we all keep a pretty close eye on strangers when they wander through. 🙂

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  5. Heh, sounds like the barkeep has been there, too. Great snippet, Jeff. 🙂

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  6. I like the feel of the place. I’m not sure you need both the men in the coveralls and the couples to make your point. It seems a bit repetitive to have both as they get the same impression across. They may be needed for later, though, so up to you. 😉 The dynamic between your MC and Beau is fun. Good dialogue!

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  7. Loved the visuals and his reply to the bartender.

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  8. I think i’ve been to that bar. 🙂
    Halfway through I realized i was holding my breath. Nice going!

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  9. Sorry for the late comment—my power went out last night and I’m playing catch up this morning!

    I like everything in this, from the jukebox to the empty, guarded feel of the place. And the banter, of course, is excellent.

    I’m wondering if he already knows Beau personally or he’s just that comfortable in settings like these. Can’t wait to find out. 🙂

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  10. Small towns are never ever comfortable. It’s really better to just pass through.

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