#SnippetSunday – Hard-Boiled/Noir WIP – January 25, 2015

Snippet Sunday is a Facebook group for writers I’ve been privileged enough to have been accepted into.

From the group guidelines; “Welcome to Snippet Sunday, where writers come together to share a few sentences of their current project–whether it’s a recently released novel, a WIP (work in progress), or an older manuscript that’s being revived. Intended to hook readers, gather feedback and build an author’s fan base, Snippet Sunday is the FB group that does all three.”

This week’s snippet opens with our hungry hero about to enter Beau’s Bar & Grill…

Inside, Beau’s décor echoed the no-frills simplicity of the building’s exterior. A polished maplewood bar and a collection of barstools took up the right side of the room. A row of booths filled the opposite wall. Two pool tables were set up in the dark back corner, behind the booths. A brand new dartboard, glorious in red and black and set high in the middle of the back wall, pulled the whole room together.

The man himself stood behind the bar, holding court with a couple of guys in matching white t-shirts and blue denim coveralls.

Beau was a tall man who filled out the Redskins jersey he wore under his apron. He had a lot of forehead and a wide, flat nose. A shock of dark hair crowned the very top of his head. An unfortunate clump of brown weeds on the point of his chin ruined an otherwise good jaw.

As always, thanks for reading & thanks for any feedback you feel inclined to leave…

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Posted on January 25, 2015, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 13 Comments.

  1. Very good visual. YOu’ve really set the scene so that the reader can feel she is there.

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  2. As always your descriptions draw me completely into the scene and put me right smack dab in the middle of it.

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  3. The character seems to be taking a good look at the scene around him. I wonder what he came in for except for food.

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  4. “Brown weeds” is my favorite description of the day, Jeff.

    The rest is forcing me to admit that I need to rewrite my own bar scene, because this floor plan makes sense and mine is a mess. 🙂

    (I can’t help wondering what happened to the old dartboard . . . 🙂 )

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  5. Jeff, where does this scene appear in the chapter? I hope the next sentence that follow it contains some action.
    Like Paula said, it’s a great description, and like Linda wondered, “Where’s the beef?”

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  6. I love the description, it really sets the scene. I suggest either changing the team jersey or just not mentioning the specific team name to avoid copyright and the current issues with the Native Americans over that team’s name. Great snippet, Jeff.

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  7. Karen Michelle Nutt

    Great imagery! You’ve set the scene.

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  8. Wonderful visuals for both the place and the man. The description is tight and well-paced. Good job!

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  9. Excellent detail. I could picture it with no trouble at all.

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  10. Nice descriptions, Jeff!

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  11. Ahhh yes, the den where men go to hunker down over beer, test their skill at billiards, and savor the company of other males. Great description!

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