#SnippetSunday – Hard-Boiled/Noir WIP – January 18, 2014

Snippet Sunday is a Facebook group for writers I’ve been privileged enough to have been accepted into.

From the group guidelines; “Welcome to Snippet Sunday, where writers come together to share a few sentences of their current project–whether it’s a recently released novel, a WIP (work in progress), or an older manuscript that’s being revived. Intended to hook readers, gather feedback and build an author’s fan base, Snippet Sunday is the FB group that does all three.”

This week’s snippet continues the early slice of the WIP I posted from last week. Our hero, Jake, has just rolled into town and is checking out the accommodations. The narrative picks up exactly where last week’s left off…

She laughed while I scribbled my name and license plate number down. She had a nice laugh, throaty and well-used.

“What brings you all the way out here, Mr. Tunner?” she asked, glancing at the register.

“Ran out of eastbound road,” I replied. “And please, call me Jake.”

I spun the register book around and slid it her way.

“Fair enough, Jake. I’m Evangeline.”

She did not offer to shake hands.

“Most folks who call me home are in town working for the summer,” she continued. “We don’t get much tourist trade, especially after season.”

“That’s good,” I said. “Never thought of myself as a tourist. I’m more, I don’t know, how can I put this?”

She leaned forward, resting her arms on her side of the desk.

“You’re looking for something, Jake. You probably don’t even know what it is you’re looking for, but you’re looking just the same.”

“That’s… That’s exactly it.”

She dropped a conspiratorial smile on me. I couldn’t help but smile back.

“Mind if I steal that line from you?” I asked her.

“Mi casa es su casa,” she said, turning to select a room key from the board behind her. “That goes double if you break anything.”

I paid her for a week’s stay. She handed over the key to room fourteen.

Thanks, as always for stopping by… Leave me some feedback if you’re so inclined…


Posted on January 18, 2015, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 13 Comments.

  1. Great snippet. She seems a little friendlier than last week! What is he looking for?


  2. “That goes double if you break anything.”

    Oh, I like her, Jeff. This may be the last time we see her, but even in this short scene, she’s a person, not just a bit-player.

    Very well done! 🙂


  3. Sounds like she’s been a lost soul, too. Great snippet, Jeff. 🙂


  4. She seems to understand him to recognize a lost soul. Enjoyed the snippet.


  5. Nice development of a secondary character. Her personality is very well defined even in this short snippet.


  6. Nice interaction between the 2 of them. She seems like a firecracker.


  7. Could this be the introduction of a major character? She seems to recognize recognize a kindred spirit.


  8. I got a $20 bill that says they get it on before they part ways! LOL
    I’ve from Louisiana, home of the “Evangeline” oak tree, the subject of a Longfellow poem and my Cajun heritage.
    Nice snippet! I could feel the heat of both the weather and their interaction.


  9. Yikes! “I’m,” not “I’ve.”


  10. Love the description in the first line. I really could hear the voice.


  11. Great dialogue, and personally, I always like a little bit of “foreign” idioms.


  12. As always your characters, no matter how small, are full rounded, and present. Great personalities, and also bringing in intrigue as to what is going on with him. My feelings after reading this? It’s not enough, I want more! 😉


  13. I’m curious as to what he is looking for. Their conversation is fluid and causal. Great scene. 🙂


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