#SnippetSunday – Hard-Boiled/Noir WIP – January 11, 2015

Snippet Sunday is a Facebook group for writers I’ve been privileged enough to have been accepted into.

From the group guidelines; “Welcome to Snippet Sunday, where writers come together to share a few sentences of their current project–whether it’s a recently released novel, a WIP (work in progress), or an older manuscript that’s being revived. Intended to hook readers, gather feedback and build an author’s fan base, Snippet Sunday is the FB group that does all three.”

This week’s snippet continues the early slice of the WIP I posted from last week. Our hero, Jake, has just rolled into town and is checking out the accommodations. The narrative picks up exactly where last week’s left off. We’re about to meet one of the cast of characters…

Note- I’m pretty sure I busted the 10-12 sentence limit. Sorry. Didn’t make sense to chop this bit in two.

A cloud of warm, humid air from within hit me full in the face even before I had the screen door all the way open.

The room smelled of mulch, sweetened by incense and decades of accumulated sea spray.

The ceiling was white– sort of. The carpet was orange. The walls, hidden behind two rows of potted palms and other forms of tropical plant life, could have been painted any color.

Battered wicker and rattan chairs filled every space where the walls dared to peek through the greenery.

The mulch and the humidity had done wonders for the foliage. I had to hack my way down the middle of the room to reach the desk.

A tall woman with steel-gray dreadlocks and fantastic shoulders awaited my arrival.

Her orange tank top fell nicely over her curves. A pair of faded blue jeans picked up where the shirt left off.

A thick green candle sat on the desk, in front of a rusted rack of picture postcards. The flickering light cast a glow on the woman’s warm brown skin.

She eyeballed me from top to bottom.

“You sure you’re in the right place, mister?” she asked.

“You got a fridge in the room?” I countered.

She crossed her arms.

“Sure do.”

“Doors lock?”

That question earned me a slow nod. I noticed she had a bit of a cauliflower ear thing going on on the right side.

“Beds clean?”

“I’m gonna pretend I didn’t hear that,” she growled.

“Bathrooms work?”

“Of course.”

I stepped up to the desk and picked up the pen that lived next to the open register.

“Sounds like I’m in the right place.”

As always, thanks for stopping by to check out my work. Consider leaving me some feedback if you’re into such things…


Posted on January 11, 2015, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 12 Comments.

  1. “I’m gonna pretend I didn’t hear that,” she growled.

    I like her already, Jeff!

    The description is very good—I like the overgrown houseplants and the line about the walls being any color. 🙂


  2. LOL Love his run-down of the qualities of the place. Great snippet, Jeff.


  3. The more you write about this place the more I want to go there.


  4. You describe things so clearly but so simply: ‘fantastic shoulders’ and ‘A pair of faded blue jeans picked up where the shirt left off.’

    Great stuff. Miss it on DP!


  5. I’m ready for a stay here too. Great description.


  6. Very descriptive. I enjoyed this snippet. 🙂


  7. Wonderful imagery! Loved how miffed she got when he asked if the beds were clean. lol Great snippet!


  8. great description, great question/answers … loved it!


  9. “Sounds like I’m in the right place.”
    But is it the right time?
    Nice 8!


  10. I like her. Can’t wait for more!


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