#SnippetSunday – As Yet Unnamed WIP (Vigilante/Noir – July 13, 2014

Snippet Sunday is a Facebook group for writers I’ve been privileged enough to have been accepted into.

From the group guidelines;

“Welcome to Snippet Sunday, where writers come together to share a few sentences of their current project–whether it’s a recently released novel, a WIP (work in progress), or an older manuscript that’s being revived. Intended to hook readers, gather feedback and build an author’s fan base, Snippet Sunday is the FB group that does all three.”

This week’s snippet sheds a little more light on that, “ex-dead guy”, thing explored in my snippet from last week.
Again, I’m cheating… it’s more than 12 sentences. Such is life.

Here goes nuthin’…

Rushing bodies closed in on all sides. Five o’clock. Half the city was on Broadway, running to catch a downtown train.
My thoughts ran to the night of the shooting. Dense crowds had that effect on me.

I saw the soles of a woman’s stockinged feet at the edge of my darkening field of vision. A pair of bright red pumps lay on the ground near the mouth of the alley.
Her blood had begun to collect in the left shoe.
The ache of failure returned as I saw myself, stumbling drunk and useless, as the bullets tore into her body.
Then I saw the gun, felt the impact of the bullet. I felt the fall.
I remembered the warmth, impossible warmth, as I laid, face down, in an icy puddle of filth, bleeding out in an Alphabet City alley.

A fragrant breeze, rich with work sweat, meaty grill smoke, a little truck exhaust, and a lot of garbage, chased the memory as I fell into step.

Thanks for stopping by…


Posted on July 13, 2014, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 18 Comments.

  1. Excellent as always, Jeff. That red shoe . . .

    Did he know her? Or did he see the danger, but was unable to help her? Or are we supposed to learn that later?


  2. Well done! I felt as if I was there in that street with them both.


  3. Love the precision of the details. A bit of PTSD in our hero?


  4. You’ve set a vivid image in the readers’ minds, evoked an eerie setting but one in which we’d like to be ourselves.
    The last five words, “as I fell into step,” is a clear double entendre and makes for a tempting cliff hanger.
    Sounds like something for my TBR stack of books. Got a target date on publication?


  5. Wow, Jeff. Way to bring us straight into the action and leave us gasping for breath. Nicely done. 🙂


  6. Very nice use of senses and description to put us in the scene.


  7. Karen Michelle Nutt

    I felt like I was right there with your vivid descriptions of sight and smell. but still you gave it a surreal feel to it also. Wonderfully done.


  8. Nice transition, I wasn’t expecting the second shot. It almost felt like he was reliving the falling from her eyes.


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