#SnippetSunday June 8, 2014 – Night Train (Noir)

Snippet Sunday is a Facebook group for writers I’ve been privileged enough to have been accepted into.

From the group guidelines;

“Welcome to Snippet Sunday, where writers come together to share a few sentences of their current project–whether it’s a recently released novel, a WIP (work in progress), or an older manuscript that’s being revived. Intended to hook readers, gather feedback and build an author’s fan base, Snippet Sunday is the FB group that does all three.”

Today’s Snippet comes from the latest chapter of my serial noir novella, “Night Train”, set in 1928. We pick up the action right where we left off in last week’s snippet, which can be found here; https://thetsuruokafiles.wordpress.com/2014/06/01/snippetsunday-night-train-noir-2/

To set things up physically, our hero, NY gangster Moe Shabansky, is in a bind. A sheriff’s deputy, nicknamed Lazy Eye by Moe, has a hold of him and our hero’s arms are pinioned behind his back. Another deputy, Tobacco Man, is keeping an eye on Madeline… Last week’s snippet ended with the line… “If you touch me again,” I rasped, “you’d better kill me.”

“That so?” asked the sheriff.
I let my stare do the talking.
“That sounded a little like a threat,” he said.
He jammed his thumb into my bullet wound.
I yelled and threw all my weight into a head butt. His nose exploded under my forehead. His hands went to his face as he dropped to one wobbly knee.
Tobacco Man cursed and made for the sheriff’s side.
Madeline got in his way. I couldn’t see how. The stomping of feet on the hard cabin floor and Tobacco Man’s language told me most of what I needed to know.
I took a quick look to locate her, then drove Lazy Eye straight back.
The glass door held for half a second, then gave it up. Shards flew everywhere as we crashed through.

Thanks for stopping by to read…



Posted on June 8, 2014, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 8 Comments.

  1. Nice action scene. (I hate writing fight scenes…)


  2. Don’t look at me with that one of voice.
    Lots of action, well done!


  3. Great description of the fight–I don’t like writing action scenes either.


  4. Nicely staccato for the fight scene. It works well.


  5. That was some great action! Nice!!


  6. historysleuth1

    Oh my God I’ve been gone too long, Mobsters and the 1920s with a coating of noir? Love it! That was a great scene, lots of angst and action.
    History Sleuth’s Milk Carton Murders


  7. Karen Michelle Nutt

    Wonderful action scene! Well done.


  8. This is a great scene, Jeff.

    I especially like the last two sentences I accidentally shoved my hand through a pane in a french door once, and it was exactly like that.


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